Abusive Relationships: Lack of Support from Kin
In the face of sexual abuse, it's crucial for family members to offer support and understanding to the survivor. Here are some key points to consider when navigating this difficult situation.
Firstly, it's important to remember that the survivor's experience should be believed and validated. Shagoon Maurya, a psychotherapist, emphasizes the importance of reassuring the survivor that it's not their fault.
Unfortunately, the person who has caused harm may attempt to discredit the survivor's story, launching a smear campaign. This could involve lying about the survivor or tarnishing their name.
If the sexual abuse was perpetrated by someone with narcissistic traits, the entire family could unknowingly play a role in supporting the abuser. This can manifest in various ways, such as the supporter insisting that the survivor fills the needs of the person with narcissistic traits, or the person with narcissistic traits needing the family's validation.
In such cases, toxic triangulation may occur. This is when someone attempts to get other people to side with them instead of the survivor, making the survivor feel caught in a triangle where they are being ganged up on by two or more people.
It's not uncommon for the person who hurt you to target your children, colleagues, family members, or friends. A staggering 34% of child sexual abuse cases are committed by family members.
When loved ones don't validate the survivor's experience, it can lead to revictimization. This is why the best gift a family member can provide is active listening with a nonjudgmental attitude.
Amber Robinson, a licensed psychotherapist in Los Angeles, states that people may not want to admit that they know someone who sexually abuses. This denial can stem from various reasons, such as the reputation of the family being at stake, talking about abuse being taboo, the person who hurt you being the head of the household, fear of losing resources or finances, and religious expectations around abstinence.
In some cases, the family may side with the perpetrator instead of the survivor due to complex dynamics such as denial, shame, fear, societal pressure, or attempts to maintain family unity and control. These behaviors can be driven by manipulation, power imbalances, and emotional bonds within the family.
When this happens, the family may deny the abuse, minimize it, place blame on the survivor, get defensive, or threaten to ostracize the survivor. In such situations, it's essential to seek help from a professional and learn how to use direct, assertive communication.
Some other ways to be supportive include learning about sexual abuse, seeking permission for physical touch, encouraging the survivor to stand up to the abuser, supporting them in getting medical exams, and offering to help them find a therapist.
Preferably, therapy would ideally include the person who abused, the survivor, and the family members who are in denial or minimizing the abuse. This approach can help heal the family and provide a safe environment for the survivor.
Lastly, when searching for a therapist, you may find it helpful to use search tools. Nancy Irwin, PsyD, suggests getting help from a professional to navigate this challenging time and learn how to communicate effectively.
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