Ending the Initial Charm Stage of Psychological Manipulation by Narcissists
In a small, unnamed city, Sam found herself caught in the grip of a narcissistic relationship. Her husband's gift-giving and elated mood often reinforced her belief that the abuse was not severe. However, beneath the surface, Sam was living a life filled with uncertainty and fear.
During an abusive event, the victim's body is flooded with adrenaline and other hormones, designed to take necessary action. This hypervigilance helps the victim know when to freeze, fight, or flee. Sam, too, experienced this hypervigilance, becoming more aware of her surroundings and the words being said.
The honeymoon phase of the relationship lured Sam into a place of acceptance and tolerance for her husband's behaviour. It was during this phase that Sam began to delude herself into thinking that the abusive behaviour would not return. But after a series of abusive episodes, Sam's hormonal balance was restored, and she started to realise that no one deserves to be treated so poorly.
Sam made a list of her husband's abusive acts as a reminder of how he treated her. This list served as a tool for her to work through forgiving her husband, at her own pace, so his behaviour would no longer control her future reactions. Sam no longer tolerated her husband's rages and, after recognising the psychological damage he was causing, she made the difficult decision to leave him.
In the aftermath of the abusive relationship, Sam's sense of identity returned. She no longer accepted the lies of her narcissistic husband. The honeymoon abuser phase, following an abusive event in narcissistic relationships, is a time when the narcissist experiences a manic euphoria, not wanting to be confronted with their previous behaviour. The narcissist, having no empathy for the victim, does not understand why the victim is acting so sour after the abusive event.
The narcissist, too, experiences a therapeutic release of emotional energy during a rant, often not remembering what was said. Meanwhile, the victim, having too many mental replays of the event, does not understand why the narcissist is acting like nothing significant happened. It takes 36 to 72 hours after the last survival hormonal release for the body to fully reset, leaving the victim in a state of shock.
Sam's story serves as a reminder that it is never too late to leave an abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are resources available to help you.
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