Examining Narcissistic Characteristics: Do These Tendencies Reside in Everyone?
In the realm of human behaviour, two terms often come up: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and healthy narcissism. While they share a common root, the differences between the two are significant.
NPD is a mental health condition, as per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-5 (DSM-5), which lists nine key narcissistic traits. These include exaggerated feelings of superiority, regular fantasies about personal power, a firm belief in personal specialness, a strong need for attention, entitled behavior, manipulation tactics, low empathy, a tendency to envy others, and arrogance and scorn for others.
NPD can present in two forms: overt (grandiose) or covert (vulnerable). Overt narcissism involves drawing attention to abilities, seeking special treatment, reacting with angry outbursts, openly rejecting or treating others with contempt. Covert narcissism, on the other hand, involves seeking admiration indirectly, expecting special treatment, ignoring people they believe have wronged them, holding lengthy grudges, and moving on quickly to the next relationship without saying why.
A partner with NPD might seem utterly devoted at the start of a relationship, but their behaviour can change over time. They might value the attention and support you provide while choosing to ignore your needs. They might insult you and then claim they were joking, or mock you when you make a mistake. When you call it quits with such a partner, they might try to get you back by various means, such as asking their friends to talk with you, calling you with excuses to meet, showing up with fancy gifts, messaging you constantly, alternating between "You're the one" and "You won't find anyone better".
In contrast, healthy narcissism involves recognising and valuing your worth. It involves taking pride in the fact that your loved ones trust you and come to you for support. Feeling confident in your own abilities and sense of self can help you remember that no matter what mistakes you make or challenges you face, you still have value and are worthy of respect and positive regard. Healthy narcissism can help protect you from distress by boosting your resilience or ability to weather whatever life tosses your way. It also involves recognising and appreciating your own intelligence and creativity.
It's important to note that narcissistic traits, when isolated, do not necessarily mean one has NPD. They may come and go depending on the situation, mood, or people around them. A formal diagnosis of NPD requires at least five narcissistic traits that appear in different contexts, over time, and affect daily life and relationships.
On the other hand, healthy narcissism helps you recognise and value your worth, and it can even help you remember that you deserve better when faced with adversity, such as being passed over for a promotion you worked hard to earn.
In the context of parenting, parents with NPD might try to control their children's behaviour or criticise or devalue children who make choices that don't align with their perception. Parents who don't have NPD, however, might eventually accept a child's right to make their own decisions.
In conclusion, while narcissistic traits can be found in many people, it's when these traits become persistent, pervasive, and harmful that they constitute NPD. Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism and NPD is crucial in navigating personal relationships and maintaining mental health.
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