Inquiry into the Increasing Complexity Surrounding the Question "How Are You"
In the digital age, a simple greeting can spark a conversation about mental health. Keeley Shaw, a Self-Awareness Advocate based in Austin, Texas, recently took to Instagram to share her thoughts on the question that often starts many interactions: "how are you?"
Shaw found the question overwhelming and often struggled to answer honestly. In response, she created a meme suggesting alternatives to the traditional greeting, garnering mixed feelings on both Instagram and Twitter.
Meanwhile, Melody Li, a therapist of color and mental health justice activist, has been advocating for a shift in the way we approach this question. Li, who created Inclusive Therapists, a social justice-oriented mental health directory and community, emphasises that the most important part is that you're checking in, not that you're doing it perfectly.
The impact of "how are you?" has changed with the shift from in-person to text-based communication. Li explains that the question can land empty for many people, especially those who are running on empty. In contrast, in New Orleans, locals greet passersby with "how's it going?" or "you good?" instead.
Li suggests three tips for answering "how are you": asking for deeper connection, saying "OK" and moving on, or asking for more time. She encourages taking into account the context to determine what level of conversation can comfortably take place.
Shaw's suggested alternatives for "how are you?" include questions like "what lies do you find yourself believing?" and "how can I support you?" These alternatives aim to foster deeper, more meaningful connections.
Li also points out that the emphasis on the words "how", "are", and "you" in "how are you?" can change its meaning. During a collective crisis, for example, the question can take on a more serious tone, asking not just about one's emotional state, but about one's ability to cope.
Despite the potential for improvement, Li states that it's nice to be asked "how are you", regardless of the phrasing or level of engagement. After all, the act of checking in with someone can make a world of difference.
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